you, beach and an empty jar

October 20**
4:45 AM
Kuta beach



The small of sand tastes sweet in my lips
A liquor of Jack D inside a bottle of Aqua
A hidden smile looks good on you
then you nod.. asking me to sit with you



UH: Can I ask you something?
J: Of course.... Tonight you can ask me anything
UH: Why are you so cheerful? I'm here listening to your life stories and I don't get it. How come you're so happy?
J: (I smile)
UH: Wait a minute... You're not happy aren't you?
J: Everybody wears their own mask, honey.
UH: Can I tell you something?
J: You're going to tell me anyway right?

UH: (his smiles can melt my heart)

Every person walk around this planet like an empty jar.
And they are always trying to find a way to fill this jar
So most of them will try to find big rocks to fill it
These big rocks can be so many different things for each person
It can be a very succesful career, happy marriage, and many others
But they don't realize they still have this empty spaces between the big rocks
That's why most of them will always feel empty
Do you want to know the real secret to be happy?

You fill the jar with sands
Little by little, ever small, insignificant happiness you fill that in your jar
and finally you jar is filled and full..
That's when you feel like you don't need to find anything else and stop looking...

J: Then let me ask you this. Are you happy?
UH: Are you kidding me? Sitting on a beach waitingfor a sunrise with a Jack D in my hands and a great company besides me. What else I'm looking for? Yes. I am happy.


the ocean is smiling at us
the moon began to dissapear
the wind is playing with my hair
he brush my hair from my forehead

UH: Come on. Let's drive you home. You have to go to work in 2 hours

Story As Old As Time

Boy meets girl...

GI: Dude, I met a girl yesterday. Di acaranya P**** C****. Ga terduga banget.

YM: Oh her? She's my bestfriend...

Boy likes girl...

GI: I really like her... G ampe nervous mau ketemuan aja

YM: Yeah, I'm in love with her for the last 2 years. I need to do something about it

Girl likes boy?

GI: Aduh, ga ngerti juga deh gw. Soalnya dia aneh gitu. Besides I think she's close with someone else but she keep it as a secret

YM: She keeps ignoring me and taking me for granted... but if I don't call her she will get upset.

Boy have enough of it...

GI: Udah lah. She's too complicated. To think of it.. we have different POV of life

YM: G udh kasih deadline. And that's it.

Girl doesn't want to loose her fans...

GI: Dia nelpon lagi.. Curhat ini itu...

YM: She called me, and apologize, and asked me for a second chance

the history repeat?

GI: Aduh, why does everytime she calls I kept thinking about her?

YM: Ya udah lah. She's worth all the trouble.. so I'm gonna try it again

we have a word for guys like you:

S U C K E R

and they are convinced that men rules the world

baby, you run the world because we let you!!!

Dante wrote...

the way to Heaven is through Hell
~Divine Comedy~

atau bahasa kerennya bersakit-sakit dahulu berenang-renang kemudian kali yeee...

they might be right

I let you know once I'm there

but for right now...

Come What May

In time of need...

... all I need is you




GI: Babe, I understand how hard this is.. but you're the toughest girl besides j*** that I know.. I know you can get through this easily

OR: Halah. Udahlah nyet. Soal kayak gini ga bakal ngelukain loe.. Loe mah pasti gampang dapet k****** b***

RS: Hm... honestly, if this happen to someone else I would've worried.. but because it's you and the things that you accomplish? Seriously? You're still worried?

NA: Jen, orang selevel loe ga perlu kuatir lagi. Sumpah. G yakin kok dalam sebulan juga loe dapet t******

YM: Sorry banget nyet. Ya udah lah. Emang loe lagi sial bgt tahun ini.. but you're a very strong person.. Ini cuma kerikil doank buat loe

One sentence that ends it all...
GI, OR, RS, NA, YM: "Kan gw masih di sini"


Sumpah.. mengharu biru gw..
I guess, when you're in your time of need you finally can see how other people actually perceive you
and one more thing for sure
I cannot ask for better groups of bestfriends..
Literally, I can NOT live without you

P & P's

P: A 30 something years old guy. Very cute, very charming and galant...An owner of a VERY succes EO but...

P: A VERY CUTE male model that is a mix between Chinese and Rusia. Very adorable, has a personality that shines like a sun but..

My P&P's... you're like my chocolate when I have Diabetes

I would like to have it but it's really bad for my health..

does it matter anymore?

Good morning heartache
You old gloomy sight
Good morning heartache
Thought we said goodbye last night
I turned and tossed until it seems you have gone
But here you are with the dawn
Wish I forget you, but you’re here to stay
It seems I met you
When my love went away
Now everyday I stop I’m saying to you
Good morning heartache what’s new


Stop haunting me now
Can’t shake you no how
Just leave me alone
I’ve got those Monday blues
Straight to Sunday blues
Good morning heartache
Here we go again
Good morning heartache
You’re the one
Who knows me well
Might as well get use to you hanging around
Good morning heartache
Sit down
~ Billie Holiday ~

bayangan sayapku melambung di angkasa
napafasku tersengal di kandas impian
aku ingat perasaan itu
aku tidak merindukanmu
hantu yang memekik di keheningan jiwa
aku sudah tiada

I G N O R A N C E

is it a bliss or a curse?

Haunted

OR: Nyet, loe tau soal Maria Eva itu ga?

J: Emang napa?

OR: G jadi parno nih.. kan HP g pernah ilang

J: Emang loe pernah naro gambar apa?

OR: Y a itu, gambar g ama si bangsat!!

J: Huahuahua.... lagi macem2?

OR: Ya lumayan..

J: Keliatan mukanya?

OR: banget!

J: Goblok!

OR: Loe malah jangan bikin g parno donk!! Sialan

J: Kapan ilangnya?

OR: Setahun yg lalu!! Tapi tetep! Kan si Maria Eva itu juga Hp nya ilang 2 tahun yg lalu, tapi tetep aja baru keluarnya sekarang

J: Ya ela.. Ya udah lah. Loe berharap aja either loe atau si bangsat ga ada yg jadi org terkenal.

OR: Cuma gitu doank? Ga ada kata2 bijak dr loe atau pencegahan?

J: paling ya itu... GOBLOK!

OR: MONYET!!

J: huahuhuah

Sometimes no matter how hard you try to hide your past

in one form or the other, it will always going to come back and haunt you

for me, I better admit it, accept it, make amends and fix it NOW

so CARPE DIEM!!

"no day but today"

"forget regret or life is yours to miss"

RENT

Same Shit, Different Dog

It's still shit though


This ship is sinking, and I'm getting off of it

L O V E

A girl asks a boy "Why there should be love?"


The boy reply "So there would be great stories to be told when we get old”

If it is that true love never dies, then why all lovers have to struggle to stay alive?

Fishing

When there is a goldfish
that lives in the ocean and took a bait

Who should we blame?

the ocean for keeping the goldfish when he knows the goldfish doesn't belong there
the goldfish because she's living in the ocean, and she is a freshwater fish
the goldfish because she took the bait
the bait because he tries to seduce the goldfish that doesn't belong in the ocean
or the fisherman that seduce the goldfish with the bait?

"too often going after what feels good means letting go of what's right"

John Dorian

Tippy Toe Tin

Tippy Toe Tin likes to tip on her toe
With her Jimmy Choo shoes and her vintage Prada bag
She tip on her toes
Tip Toe Tip Toe
Trippty Tee Trippty toe
Her heel clicks in each steps

Tippy Toe Tin talks to the Pig, her bestfriend
Tippy Toe Tin tip-toed around the surface of the pond
where the water is green and the end is blue



Tippy Toe Tin likes to whispers to the Sultan that sits on a bug
they play guessing games, the Tippy Toe Tin and the Sultan


Tippy Toe Tin likes the bug
she whisper to the Winnie the Pooh
secret secret


Tippy Toe Tin fiddle with the moon
while longing for the clouds


Tippy Toe Tin, the pig, the Sultan, the bug, and the Winnie the Pooh


One afternoon, the moon lowered and whisper
"there's a message from the stars"
" hello, he said. how are you, he asked"


Tippy Toe Tin sings under her breath
Tippy Toe Tin sings on top of her lungs


You pick yourself up off the ground to have me knock you back down
Again and again and when you ask me to explain
I say, I've got to be...

Cruel to be kind in the right measure
Cruel to be kind it's a very good sign
Cruel to be kind means that I love you
Baby, got to be cruel, you got to be cruel to be kind



Tippy Toe Tin click on the tip of her toes



The moon breaks
and with that the Moon become the Crescent Moon
because the truth, the message is from the Moon
and the first crystal snow is form

Monkey Wisdom

See No Evil

Hear No Evil

Talk No Evil

Blind me

Because I no longer want to see

Make me deaf

Because I no longer want to hear



Make me mute

Because I no longer want to talk

... about you

Goodbye

Labeling

RF: (after 4 months knowing me) Tapi loe tuh sebagai cewek emang dominant banget. Gw rasa selama ini pasti loe yg dominasi cowok2 loe.

AC: (after 1.5 hours meet) A smart, tough dominant girl like you. In Indonesia market, diinjak atau menginjak. It's either you're going to get a whimpy guy or a much older guy. BTW, 'strong' is a soft way to say that you're dominant

T: (after meet up 4 times) Aduuuhhh jen, kalo loe mau punya cowok harus lebih feminin dikit.

AW: (after almost 6 years we never met) Oh single? Emang cewek kayak loe terlalu independent sih untuk bergantung ama cowok. Too little vagina and to much penis yah?

Whooa.. what's with the labeling and stereotyping?

Whoever my PR is.. she needs to get fired

"Jen, you're like a crocodile-skin Louis Vitton bag. Only people with particular taste will know the real value, and most importantly, not that many people can afford it."

Jen's bestfriend

hmm... ok.. I can live with that
Tapi bo... jangan lama2 ya nabungnya.... nanti gw discount kan ga lucu

Reality Bites

One night

One Call

One small secret revelation

She whispers between the voices of her pain

"I sabotage my own relationship... I wonder whether I'll be able to make any relationship work"

Oh baby,

I really want to tell you...


that we are fucked up

Fucked up by Disney.. That's what I really wanted to tell you
We grow up watching these movies....
Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty..... thinking that we are the damsel in distress and we need a knight in shining armor to save us..

There's even a whole disorder named after one of disney character

Cinderella Complex

Described as an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others, based primarily on a fear of being independent.

This complex is named after the fairy tale character Cinderella, popularized by the Disney movie of the same name. It is based on the idea of women that the story portrays, as being beautiful, graceful and polite but who cannot be strong independent characters themselves, and who must be rescued by an outside force, usually a man (e.g. the Prince). Any strong female characters who do have power are seen as wicked and nefarious (e.g. the stepmother).

We really do have to applaud them..
We've been really screwed, man..

Well baby,
Wake up and the smell the stinkin' roses ..
Nobody will save us
No knight, No Prince Charming that will come in their white horse, bring us glass slipper and wake us from our 1000years of sleeping
Happily Ever After is overrated
1 out 2 marriage ends up in divorce
And I bet the other half just hate each other and stay for the sake of the kid
If the statistic doens't make you depressed, I don't know what else

Even Barbie and Ken have a famous on-off relationship
and Barbie has thirty-eight recorded pets, owned pink convertibles, trailers, jeeps, holds a pilot's license, and lacking 17 to 22 percent body fat required.
If she can't make it, I don't know who else

As sabotaging your relationship..
you're not Barbie and he's not prince charming that will save you
So I say....
If you're lucky enough to find one person that can make your stomach twist
you hold on to it and embrace it

These days you'll be lucky if you can find someone that you can live with
even when ideally you want to find someone that you can't live without

T R U L Y

listening is a form of art

" Listen, your
mouth is made for your ears. Listen"

Sigmor Polke

Harry's 1st Kiss

oh my..

even a weirdo that wears a cape, round stupid glasses and a scar on his forehead got some action

and I don't remember the last time I got laid

hmm.. maybe I should start wearing cape

Stories

"I have a story..."


That's it!
The first sentence everytime you call me
You and your stories
One Q before you continue..
Does it give you pleasure to see me in pain?

Before you continue..
you see that dusty throne?
yep my friend.. that was mine..
I left it a while ago..

Before you say another word..
newsflash..
I'm SO over that world

So take a leap,
and please swim in your own drama and don't drag me into it

One Evening

asaku terbuai..

dingin ini mencekam..

dan pantulan hujan di kaca

membayangi mataku..

langit jakarta menangis..

it is colder than it ought to be in March

And I still have a day or two ahead of me

'A Plain Morning-Dashboard Confessional'

J: Jadi loe akan ngasih dia kesempatan lagi?
YM: Iya... But It feels a little bit closer than the last time
J: Aren't you afraid the history will repeat?
YM: I do.. but...
J: Never mind. I hope I'm wrong

Everybody deserve second chance
But only lucky people got their third chance
I never got either






sahabat kecilku..
aku disini
dan kau disana

How many special people change

How many lives are living strange

Where were you while we were getting high?

'Champagne Supernova-Oasis'

J: I was there, and you kissed me. Please don't look at me that way.
NA: I can't lie. I..
J: Don't look at me that way. Please.. Don't you want me to be happy?
NA: More than anybody else
J: I'm your bestfriend for heaven sake. G kan sahabat loe.. Please, biarin g bahagia donk.Don't you understand? Dgn loe disini, dgn kehadiran loe, dgn nafas loe, dgn tatapan loe membuat g menginginkan apa yg seharusnya g ga inginkan. Loe membuat g kangen untuk hal2 yg g ga kangen lagi...
NA: G merasa sbg manusia terjahat sedunia.
J: Karena loe egois. You can't have your cake and eat it too...
NA: .....
J: ....
NA: Lihat..... hujan nya udh berhenti. Doa g terkabul kan...
J: While you're at it. Doain buat g juga donk
NA: God is busy. He only listens one pray at one time

What scares me..
He might be right

telanjangi aku dengan tatapanmu
kamu dan aku
aku dan dia
kamu dan dia
empat manusia duduk di sini
empat gabriel datang mengantarkan pesannya masing-masing
detik itu ketika kita semua berbicara
pembicaraan yg aneh
aneh
dan kamu memperkosaku dgn kata-katamu


Hai kamu
untuk 3 pria yang kemarin sore meluangkan waktu denganku
dalam waktu yg bersamaan
ketika dunia berhenti menjadi aneh
ketika itu aku akan mati

Y: Eh, emang yg lain ga dateng?

J: G sih undang, but I don’t really expect them to come anyway

Y: Loh kenapa?

J : Menurut loe???? Acara ini terlalu normal ga sih buat yg lain ?

Y : Huahuauha....

J : Yoi. Yg dateng kan entar yg cina2, kaya dan normal gitu.. agak ga nyambung man crowd nya.

Y: Huauauhuaha… loe itu lo. Kok bisa sih kerjaan loe ga nyambung ama kehidupan loe

J: Iye.. and what I’m good at doesn’t necessarily mean I like it

Y: Loe itu loh. Aneh

J: Don’t be a monkey with miniature cymbal. ANNOYING AND REPEATING YOURSELF!!

Y: huahuauhauuaha….

The Verdict Is

Has the jury reach your verdict?
Yes your honor.
For the case of the Commonwealth vs Jennifer,
We find in favor of the plaintiff, and for the defendant to pay the damages of 5.760 community service


yeah yeah yeah yeah
Can we settle outside the court?
Who just died and made you Judge Judy anyway..

tapi bu...

ughhh... for the risk of being a total bitch..

UDAH DEH!!

I might be the youngest manager around here and giving you a hard time

tapi..

UDAH DEH!!!

ughhh

kesel

kesel

kesel

ahhh... blog

it's like a bestfriend ear

who needs a shrink when you can just voice your frustration here?

next, we'll do them to answer

"OK.. how does that make you feel?"

baby, you'll be perfect if you can produce a presciption for Valium

Counting The Days

For the last seven months:

2 sailings
7 exhibitions
3 socialites gathering
2 rave parties
1 play
3 indie concerts
22 days of not smoking (‘till today)
6 days of not swearing (‘till today)
Refuse to come home
1 huge fight with my parents
Make up with my parents
1 retreat
6 boxing classes (including kickboxing, self defense class, tae bo)
4 dance classes (including modern jazz dance, strip dance and hip hop dance)
1 yoga class
4 full days of cutting myself
1 day relapse
high bc of weed for the first time
Deep understanding of psychedelic
Realizations of V Channel subliminal messages
132 days sober
1 hell of agitated week
Lost one job
Gain one job
6 times out of city
3 times out of country
Organize one event
4 times interviewed by newspapers
7 times interviewed by magazines
1 time interviewed by TV
Changed my radio stations
Build an underground community
Yell at my boss
Yell at my subordinates
fire 2 people
hire 5 people


1 stolen kiss from my best friend
1 stolen kiss from my co-worker
1 confession from my best friend
Kiss a stranger
Pursued by one DJ
Pursued by one business man
Pursued by one spoiled brat
Pursued by one best friend
Pursued by 2 long time friend
Pursued by 3 business partners
Pursued by 1 sexually confused person
Pursuing one actor
Flirting with another 2 business partners
4 true friends revealed


1 heart broken
1 confidence destroyed
1 throne put away
1 pedestal lowered
1 broken heart sewn
1 smile born
1 life learned

Fuh… I got tired just by typing it
no wonder people give me spa vouchers

Angry Person

75% Angry

You're a pretty angry person, although you
might not describe yourself that way.But if you think about it, you probably
feel annoyed, frustrated, and disappointed often.All of the emotions above are
classic signs of anger.And if these angry feelings are controlling your life,
you may need help.

My suspicion is right!!!

God help me.


Like a baby with a stolen lollipop
Like a monkey with an itchy back.

I am an angry person.
God help me.

My skin is crawling with bugs
My heart is thumping and my breath is heavy
My hands is shaking and my pupil shrivel

10…

My forehead is sweating
And I bit my lips
I clutch my fist

9…

Thump Thump
Oh my heart
Drrrrttt…
My Hands keep shaking
God Help me

8…

I let the air go from my lungs
Salty Lips. Bleeding Lips
Oh yeah, I bit them

7…

I keep my hands away
Oh it’s vicious
Go away
Go away

6 ….

Rage
Rage
Rage
I let the air go from my lungs

5 …

My hand is shaking
I put them away
My heart is thumping
I let the air go
Bleeding lips
I let my tongue caress my lips

4 …

My pupil is dilated

3 …

God Help Me

2 …

I’m an Angry Person

1 …

The rage

Is

Gone

Being a Bitch is so 10 minutes ago

Friday night close to midnight

a neutoric girl and her bestfriend

Hellooo.....you will never run out of candidates. This is the thing though, you used to attract all kind of the wrong guys. Now, you attract all the right ones, you just don't like any of them. God help us

hahaha.... Easy babe..

Man, it was easier to have this job when you were a bitch. Now, you care about other people's feeling, I have to hold their hands everytime you shot them down while smiling like an angel. Angel of death kali....

hahahahaha.... But I was being nice!!!!! And I try really hard not to hurt their feelings and respect them. Mendingan kan?? As a return, I get their friendship instead..

Uh hmm... Jadinya kayak gini ini... pasti adaaaaaaa aja yg nimbrung nongkrong kl lagi jln berdua ama loe. Blm lagi tampang mereka pasti bete kalo loe deket2 gw...

Huahuahuaha.... loh... kok jadi emosi gt?.. here take another Shisha.. You know that's why I love you right??

Emotional Rollercoaster



Rollercoaster
Rollercoaster
Take me whenever your rail intended
Take me high high and I invincible
High high and I thought I will never fall
High High and I thought when I fall the rail will keeps me safe
Assumptions is the motherfucker of all mistakes they say
Regret will always come later they say
You don’t know what you have it ‘till it’s gone they say

Rollercoaster
Rollercoaster
Emotional Rollercoaster
Take me down down
Down down and you feel like your heart is left somewhere
Down down and you feel like you want to scream but you’re too scared to scream
Down down and you feel like your heart and your ears wants to explode
Down. There’s only one way. Up
Down. Don’t forget to look. Up

Rollercoaster
MY emotional rollercoaster
Take me up
Take me down
Take me whenever your rail intended
Down. Up.
Up. Down
Up. Up.
Down. Down
Close your eyes
Put the seat belt on
We Can’t Guarantee Your Safety
Enjoy

EASY RECIPE



Prep Time: 1 year
Cook Time: 1 day
Ready In: 2 weeks
Servings: 1 person only



DIRECTIONS:

Combine regret and brokenheart in the top of a crumpled bed, over boiling hell.
Reduce heat to low, and dwell on the pass for about 1 week, stirring constantly.
Remove from heat and whip yourself with self guilt until thick and your skin color and eyes changed.
Add jealousy to whipped self-respect. Beat until combined.
Gently fold and tear all your belonging into sherded mixture and set aside.
Cut your arms, hands and legs until you can't bleed no more, and line the bottom and sides of a large glass bowl.
Brush with alcohol.
Spoon half of the blood over the fingers. Repeat cutting, bruising and filling layers.
Garnish with punching and bitting.
Refrigerate several hours or overnight.

then wham.. there you go. An easy recipe to loose 6kg in 2 weeks.

Second Step:

Love Yourself before you can love the other

Be happy about yourself before you can share
Fullfill yourself before you let other fill you



Then..

You can move on

Then..

You will demand nothing from your lover..

Then...

You will be just grateful that the other person accept your love

Then...

You can love like you've never been hurt before..

Love is a many splendid Things

First Step:

Accept and Admit that you are an ASSHOLE!!!!!

There's no way of denying it
There's no way to work around it
There is no one else to blame
There is no justification
You just it!

Tag you're it!

I Just Got Married!!!

Well…. Sort of






It’s the same concept.


“For the rest of your fuckin miserable life”



Only this kinda commitment gives you more freedom
It’s not going to ask you to quit smoke
It’s not going to ask you to stop swearing
It’s not going to ask where you are and what you’re doing for every other hour
But MY commitment is a pain in the neck. Literally.

Well, I guess it’s given when you have a tattoo on the nape of your neck.
OH MY GOD! Is it painful or what?!!



Memoirs of Geisha quote that at their time, the man finds the sexiest part of women body is their nape of neck
Most men will confirm that they find the nape of a woman’s neck is very sexy
Why do you think doggy style is so popular?
Is that why I choose to have a tattoo there?
Maybe
Maybe Not
I don’t really give a fuck actually.

Cigarettes bums
Bitten lips
Whiskey bottles
Drench clothes
Unneeded scissors
Move on
Move on
Move on

All hands on deck don’t abandon the ship
You’ll never know what it could have been
All hands on deck my ship is sinking
Don’t let me go, Don’t let me drown

A step to the right to your own rhythm
And what comes next is up to you
And I need a miracle to save me from this
And I need the angels to all pray for me
I can’t believe you

Another day another worry
Breaks right through
And indecision bleeds me dry
He’s turning pages I’m not making for him
He’s painting pictures without me in mind
I can’t believe you

The long walks on Moon Light beach
The promises you could not keep
Your so contagious, Your so contagious
For all the world we did not see
For all the smiles you gave to me
They're so contagious, So contagious
So very fake

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to you

CONGRATULATION ON YOUR SECOND ENGAGEMENT !!!!

Few (weird) facts about Bali from Jen’s eye:

1. People wear their helmet everywhere. I mean it! Bahkan waktu jalan2 di Mall, mereka tidak melepas helm mereka. Aneh sekalii

2. Even though their main religion is Hindu, they have Buddha painting everywhere! What’s with that? It’s like I’m a Catholic and sells al’quran for a living.

3. The name of the streets is bizarre, example: Gang King Kong, Jalan Simpang Siur, Jalan Monang Maning, and many others. Next we know, they are going to have a street name Jalan Pusing Tujuh Keliling

4. Two main things in Bali that you will find in EVERY corner: Polo stores and Babi Guling restaurants.

5. In walking, watch out for persembahan/ sesajen and dog shit. Believe me, you don’t want to step on either two.

6. If Jakarta is the city of Malls, Cafes and Apartments. Bali is the city of furniture boutique, art stores, surf stores and restaurants/lounges.

7. Nama lain dari Bali besides Pulau Dewata is Khilaf Island!! Because many people, once in Bali jadi sering khilaf.. Serius gw!!

8. Bali survival guide in finding your way (according to Jen):

a. In addition to Kuta Square, your mark is statues! Since the statues are everywhere, it’s easier to mark them and finding your way.
b. Go get the BEAT magazines. It’s easier to find directions rather than using a map.
c. Do NOT ask directions from the local people. Mereka akan ngasih taunya pake.. “Yah, abis ini lurus trus ke arah Barat, abis itu ke arah Utara”. Huh???? What the? I’m not even sure that the sun sets in…??